First Heartfelt Effusion



My dear Lordships Shri Shri Radha-Shyamasundara!
Crying at the lotus feet of Shri Guru, one very fallen and
destitute soul humbly offers to You the following unrestrained
stream of prayerful outpourings for Your kind and considerate
audience.

My dear beloved Lordships! Let me have not only this one
body with only one head upon which are placed only two eyes,
two ears, two nostrils, and one mouth in which I find only this
one pathetic tongue.

Let me have not only this one dead body upon which I find
only one clumsy cranium wherein we may assume there be at
least one exiguous lump of dull brain stuff.

Let me have not only this one frail figure from which
extend only two sluggish legs and two feeble arms with no more
than one leisurely hand on the end of each.

Let me be not only this single insignificant someone with
but this one heart, one life, and one sub-atomic soul to dedicate
most inadequately to Your urgently required large-scale
distribution of transcendental literatures.

If You wish to offer me any benediction, then please let me
have hundreds and thousands, nay, even millions and billions of
stout and strong bodies, either all at once or one after another
or both.

On each body let me have hundreds, thousands, even
millions of heads, each with hundreds of eyes and noses,
thousands of ears, and millions of mouths, each endowed with
billions of fabulously fortunate tongues.

Moreover, let me have trillions of most capable brains and
innumerable hale, hardy, and enthusiastic legs, arms, hands,
hearts, and happy selves to fully dedicate to the earnest service
of Your ministrative task of worldwide transcendental book
distribution.

What is the use of a soul who cannot expand into
thousands of beings, each having millions of bodies? What is the


use of having million of bodies if each body doesn’t have billions
of heads?

What is the use of each body having billions of heads if
each head doesn’t have trillions of brains and trillions of mouths
with trillions of gracious tongues in each?

What is the use of having trillions of brains if each brain
doesn’t command quadrillions of intelligences with which to find
the novel ways and means to drop zillions of transcendental
time-bomb books into the laps of the fallen conditioned souls?

What is the use of having innumerable legs, arms, hands,
hearts, lives, and geniuses if everyone and everything is not
solely dedicated to the service of Your mission to inundate the
whole planet with zillions upon zillions of transcendental
literatures eulogizing Your unlimited names, forms, qualities,
and pastimes in Your limitlessly divine supramundane realm of
eternity, knowledge, and bliss – Shri Vrindavana-dhama?

My dear Shri Shri Radhe-Shyama! What is the use of
having innumerable hands, each distributing transcendental
literatures by the billions and trillions, if as an outcome of it all,
not even one soul becomes Your fully self-realized, pure,
unalloyed kevala-madhurya-premika devotee?

What is the use of billions of brains scheming to optimize
the printing and proliferative dissemination of billions upon
trillions of transcendental literatures if even one soul with even
only one body with merely one head with but a single mouth
with just the one tongue could not even come to the position of,
at least even just only but once, relishing the immortal nectar of
Your pure Holy Name (shuddha-nama) which is fully inclusive of
Your sublime, internal spiritual potencies?

What would be the use of distributing millions upon
billions upon trillions of sublime rasa-saturated scriptures if, as a
result of all the hustle and bustle, not even one soul attains the
fruit of vraja-prema, vastu-siddhi, the ultimate perfection of
gaining Krishna’s direct shelter in the bhauma-lilas as a follower
of the damsels of Vrindavana, beyond the hope against hope
suppositional domain of wishful thinking?

If as a consequence of distributing countless billions of
Your transcendental literatures one could not ultimately realize


the perfection of one’s sthayi-bhava in one of the five primary
rasas befitting Your loving service in the beautiful land of Vraja,
what would be the actual accomplishment?

What a folly if, while incessantly promulgating hundreds of
thousands upon billions, trillions, or even innumerable
quadrillions of small, medium, big, and maha big books to boot
for billions of lifetimes, one does not bother to advance one’s
internal devotional eligibility (adhikara) in Krishna
consciousness to triumphantly deserve entree into Your
bhauma-lilas for the real attainment of one’s sac-cid-ananda-
siddha-deha as a vraja-gopa or gopi!

What a perfidy if, by broadcasting countless volumes and
volumes of transcendental scriptures, not even one thoughtful
book distributor could fortunately gain the essential penetrating
insight to deeply discover the esoteric truths behind the black
(Krishna) letters on all those white (Radha) pages!

To what avail are millions of bodies with millions upon
billions upon trillions of heads, eyes, ears, noses, mouths,
tongues, brains, feet, legs, arms, and hands – all simultaneously
serving to distribute millions upon billions upon trillions upon
quadrillions of unlimited transcendental literatures all over the
world, nay, all over the universe, anywhere and everywhere,
immediately and incessantly forevermore – if even one pure-
hearted book distributor could not verily gain, by mature,
intensified hari-nama-bhajana-ruci, the momentous realization
that, in truth, our only real business is to sit in Your holy lands
of Mayapura and Vrindavana and constantly chant Your self-
same prema-nama?

What is the use of it all, if we don’t recognize that the
purpose of our book distribution is to encourage as many others
as possible to become pure-hearted, fully self-realized
niskincana bhajananandis who are the fittest to propagate the
Holy Name by their ecstatic performances of prema-nama-
sankirtana which forever stands as the only true jaiva-dharma of
every jiva soul without exception?

What would be the use of it all, if we could not become
factually freed from the insanity of not clearly knowing who we


really are in terms of the intricacies of our ultimate, intrinsic,
eternal spiritual identity (vraja-svarupa)?

What would be the use, if no one could become
enlightened beyond the very vague notion of being a
transmigrating, ten-thousandth-of-a-hair-tip, subatomic brahman
particle floating around on the life airs of a temporary,
therapeutically engaged, superficially designated, rotting
corpselike defecating bag of bones masquerading as a so-called
man, woman, brahmacari, grihastha, sannyasi, vantashi,
brahmana, ksatriya, pot washer, pujari, temple president, G.B.C.,
guru, devotee, or even (hold my tongue) eminently exalted book
distributor?

My dear Lordships! What is the use of constructing
hundreds and thousands of pompously opulent temples,
worshiping thousands and millions of grandiosely ornamented
Deities, distributing umteenzillions of books, (mis)managing
millions and billions of bucks, filling billions and trillions of
bellies, and congregating a society of hundreds of thousands of
semi-conscious squabbling neophytes, if even one soul amidst
the menagerie could not ultimately achieve the supremely
privileged maid-service of the treasures of Your lotus feet as
You endlessly enjoy Your transcendental nikunja-lilas in Your
eternally resplendent realm of Vraja-dhama?

My dearmost beloved Lordships Shri Shri Radhe-Shyama!
If, however, as a result of all such laborious efforts even just one
fortunate soul could somehow or other by Your unbounded
special causeless mercy finally, even if after billions and trillions
of lifetimes of devotional struggle, attain that most cherished
goal of life, then by all means, please let there be thousands and
millions of “brihat-mridanga” printing presses, each producing
millions and billions of transcendental literatures describing
Your unlimited names, forms, qualities, and madhurya-lilas in
the sweetest of all sweetest lands, Shri Vrindavana-dhama.

If in the last, even just a single person consequently
becomes Your consummately pure unalloyed vraja-gopa or gopi,
serving to further exhilarate Your already limitlessly expanding
ocean of transcendental bliss, then let thousands and millions of
transcendental book distributors each with billions of


intelligences find trillions of newer and newer innovative
methods of inducing quadrillions of conditioned souls to take to
the process of hearing pure, nectarean Krishna-katha.

My dear beloved Shyamasundara! You are the ultimate
impetus behind all events in the three worlds. Please let
hundreds of thousands of book distributors each distribute by
the millions and billions while tolerating all types of tribulations
if in due course even one of them can come to clearly realize by
practical experience the integral correlation between the
external activity of propagating Krishna consciousness in the
world and the internal culture of the selfless bhavas of the vraja-
gopis, who relish ten million times the happiness of their own
meetings with You by making the arrangements for others to get
the happy chance to have Your delightful company.

Let thousands and millions of externally oriented prakrita-
bhaktas fill the atmosphere with endless streams of prajalpa,
faultfinding, backbiting, and fratricidal bickering, on top of all
the petty institutional and interinstitutional wrangling and war –
what do we care for it?

Let the over-intelligent, doggedly resorting to materially
contrived managerial stratagems, injudiciously undermine the
essential principle of keeping single-minded confidence in the
lucid instructions of the institutional Founder-acarya; they’ll
have to learn the hard way – as will the attendantly implicated!

Let hundreds of heedless sannyasis and guru-figureheads
plunge from their pompous pedestals owing to their often
sentimentally justified, inappropriately frequent, and
overextended proximity in dealings with their female disciples
and so on. Why should we lament or bother ourselves to in any
way condemn or condone; these things are going on – and on –
and will continue to go on and on and on . . . Trust no future
however pleasant.

Let the upper-organizational oligarchy essay to save face
by repeatedly rehashing their clandestine attempts to cloak the
pitiable transgressions of the institutionally rubberstamped
guru-figureheads. Let them, on the plea of “protecting” the
“faith” of their unwary disciples, in the name of service to the
Absolute Truth, perpetuate the farcical facade of Guruji’s


infallibility while groping for patchwork reformatory measures,
lest there be appurtenant embarrassment for all concerned. Oh
well, anyway . . . All glories to Kali-yuga! What could we expect?
Hari bol! God helps those who help themselves. Man is the
architect of his own misfortune. Let destiny prevail. We can fool
some of the people – some of the time, right? It all comes out in
the wash.

Let the rather foppish, high-flying svamis, intent on
compelling the purses of the prosperous prakrita-bhaktas,
sublimate their zeal for lordly grandeur, affluence, and fanfare
on the plea of yukta-vairagya – ostensibly in the interest of Lord
Gauranga’s sankirtana movement. Hmm . . .

Let the weak-hearted, ill-advised, or reckless religio-
institutional administrators, beguiled by the prospects of
amplified economic might, sightlessly prostitute or inelegantly
abandon all managerial scruples in deference to the non-
devotional demands of spiritually indigent neophytes of
monetary magnetism. So much for the brahminical culture of
candor and simplicity; it shall faze us not.

Let multitudes of deceitful dharma-dhvajis, to conceal their
actual reprehensible intents, masquerade as awesome mentors
of the Bhagavata in order to furtively milk the petty gross and
subtle material assets of the acarya’s institution under the
pretext of acquiring “spiritual opulences” by the grace of God!
Let them all “enjoy” and suffer according to the sweet will of
providence. We shall be thrilled to pieces – at the same time
much aggrieved.

Let the determinately shallow superficialists cosmetically
manage to farcically project a prodigiously meretricious
institutional semblance of forthright Krishna consciousness
while duplicitously concealing the relentless tenacity of their
own steel-framed hearts. Let them obsequiously buff the
“golden cage” institutional body as they insensibly disregard the
vital nourishment of the “songbird” institutional soul.

Let the respectability and trustworthiness of the
institutional “leadership” go to hell. Our eternal constitutional
personal loving relationship shall never be contingent upon nor
thwarted by any of this.


He Radhe-Shyama! The plastic, put-on felicitous social
niceties of polished cultural urbanity hardly constitute nor
necessarily evince internally developed pure devotional
excellence. Godless meat-eating demons also effectively train
their utterly materialistic corporate personnel to politely or
hospitably interrelate with forged, highly refined deferential
suavity. Are they too to be lauded as being spiritually
advanced? Animals are also seen to cordially welcome their
friends and relatives – and ward off their adversaries.

Let the Grand High Exalted Mystic Institutional Control
Monsters allege their high-handed, spuriously assumed, cliquish
inheritance of the sampradaya’s material and spiritual legacy to
patronizingly toss a scrap or two to the most servile of their
pathetically ambitious bootlicking sycophants. Smiling mildly,
we shall look on with casual indifference.

What does it really matter that hundreds and thousands of
exploitative neophyte religio-organizational opportunists jockey
for positions, more or less fraudulently establishing themselves
as “illustrious” “leaders” of the Hare Krishna movement on
various levels to pursue their sundry ulterior motives while
having not even the slightest genuine greed for the inestimable
treasure of vraja-bhakti-rasa. I say, “Bravo!” if, as a result of
having distributed millions of transcendental literatures all over
the world, we can even hope to find just one unpretentious,
truly elevated, fully enlightened rasika Vaishnava amidst the
veritable mess we’ve made of everything.

He Radhe-Shyama! Let the brutish nama-aparadhis,
goaded by a lingering appetite for the foul fruits of bhukti and
mukti, even after so much graceful guidance, remain ever
attached to whatever little labha, puja, and pratistha they can
manage to eke out from their ostentatious show of allegiance to
the cause of transcendental book distribution. We shall not be
impressed.

Let the benighted, pushy, audaciously puffed-up, mischief-
mongering egoistic vixens, wishing to spitefully dance on the
heads of the brahmacaris and sannyasis to gratify their inflated
personal and extended sense of self-importance, improvidently
misconceive, abort, abandon, nay, even ever so much as