I'll sign your petition if you make these petitions as well.

Ban Religion - you need to protect kids from worhipping a God (or Allah, etc etc etc) who is not here to protect us from stuff like the Holocaust, the Atom bomb, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Sandy (your city is not looking pretty currently is it?). Why follow a deity who's like an "absentee landlord"? Religion is also the cause of wars throughout history. You want to protect your kids from wars, right?

Ban Media (like the Internet, DVDs, TV, VHS, etc) - because there's a lot of sex and porn on them. We don't want your kids to grow up wanting sex.

Ban Sports - You don't want your kids idolizing people who cheat (performance enhancing drugs), fight (hockey, football, boxing, WWE, MMA, etc), demand lots of money to play a game. You don't want your kids to grow up greedy, competitive, violent, and aggressive, do you?

Ban the Sun - the Sun gives people skin cancer, you want to protect your kids from cancer, right?

Ban the weather - you have to protect your kids from floods, hurricanes, snowstorms, and tornados, right?

Ban Adults: everytime you open a newspaper in any city or country, there's adults lying, cheating, murders, rape, having sex, etc. You don't want any kids looking up to adults. All adults lie. Shame on them for telling kids about Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. All lies. Do you want your kids to grow up lying? Adults run the government, and all they do is take money from your paycheque, you don't want the government taking money from your kids, right?

#38: Cyna-Cal - Transformers toy names 

 Cyna-cal your my hero