Суд над Бхагавад-гитой / Attempt to ban Bhagavad-gita

So who you, mister Kuraev?

First of all — the orthodox Christian. Then — диакон (I serve in John Predtechi's temple on Red Presne). The seminary student to name itself I will not dare, but the church journalist — it is possible.

Means, God have reached?

It is impossible to reach. But it is possible to come nearer …

What for this purpose it is necessary? On own example, please.

My way went through sense search. As sang in 80 one rock musician (nowadays the priest in Makeyevka), “if me to spread out to molecules — well, I will become a molecule. And if me to spread out to atoms — well, I will become atom. Boringly”. Here this sensation of boredom as last limit of a universe also was for me a push to belief. Well there can not be a boredom last true!

It became insulting?

It wanted to reach true.

How you reached?

Now, after the lapse of twenty years, apparently, that all was very simple...

About five years ago I was in a monastery at кришнаитов. Here, in Moscow suburbs, at them the Russian centre. Also has found out very interesting thing. It appears, in the history of the Indian philosophy there was a debate, very similar that is conducted in the Christian world between Protestants, orthodox and Catholics. At Catholics consider that you the merits should earn to yourself rescue. Protestant polemists speak: “Is not present, you only believe, the Lord will rescue you. It is not necessary to you of any merits, good deeds”. Orthodoxy is a way such “the imperial middle”, cooperation of God and the person.

And so, at кришнаитов there are two schools one of which is close orthodox, and the second — to Protestants. One of them is called “school обезьянки” the second — “school of a kitten”. The first says that the cub of a monkey clings to mother, and it transfers him from a branch on a branch. From the kid it is required to keep and not to disturb only. “The school of a kitten” speaks: “Look, how the cat bears in teeth of the kid, the kitten at all does nothing”. And the Lord will rescue the person who in it does not accept any participation. My Christening I can explain only from a position “schools of a kitten”.

It is possible to tell long, of course, how from full disbelief, from a family where there was no orthodox tradition, from chair of atheism I have come to seminary. Thus pronouns "I" also will use, "me". Actually it was a miracle. Not I have come to Church, and the Lord “took for шкирку”, has pulled out and has dragged, as I resisted to it. A miracle — any display of Bozhiej of will. And just because it is a miracle, it is not subject to the further analysis. It cannot be dismembered further. Here it is possible to stand simply... The Miracle is a miracle, and the miracle is God.

If to search human сдвижек then many threads converged in one knot.

In my reference to Church much meant children's hobby for a fantasy. It I have then understood that in philosophical language the fantasy is an inculcation to the person of skills of phenomenological thinking. The phenomenology is interested in sense, instead of truth. Matter is not in volume, so "actually" or not. Феноменолог analyzes the text, initially having refrained from judgement about its "validity". The internal logic of a plot, muster of senses is important. If you have accepted some conditions of the fantastic novel — further you follow these game rules. Here and having met the religion world, first so, phenomenologically, I also concerned it. For атеистически it was impossible to raise the question the brought up person at once: “Truth it or not, the Christ has revived or has not revived?” . But before to tell for itself "yes", he can try to understand: if "yes", … That is to start to understand the internal logic of Orthodoxy. And once the will speaks to reason (so: not to mind, and will allowed to solve — that is, and that is not present): “Everything, I want to live in such world where there is here it, I want, that it was seriously”. Game comes to an end, life begins.

The first religious authors whom I read, were Frank and Poles. The first acquaintance to them has left me indifferent. I simply did not understand, about what they write. Their reasonings on God, on the Christ seemed me too far. But nevertheless positive of the first acquaintance to them I have taken out something. They have shown to me that it is possible to be the Christian and thus the person of the XX-th century. Then father Sergy Bulgakov has quite convinced me: the world of spiritual life is such world which it is impossible to judge outside.

On a third year of the Moscow State University I seriously was ill with Dostoevsky. The book which has really ploughed up me, is “Brothers of Karamazovy”. I really was ill it. Two weeks while read, anything besides in a head was not.

Besides, it having appeared on chair of scientific atheism, I in an educational order should prosecute religious subjects, read the literature — first of all, of course, atheistic, — but the samizdat came across also. It was possible to take books from acquaintances, and on chair the library was decent enough. Atheistic style of work which I have met, caused aversion and by that has in many respects helped me to be defined.


How?

First, comparing primary sources, the Gospel, books on stories of Church to how it was prepared in books on atheism, I have quickly enough noticed that in the last it is a lot of the lie, much is farfetched also a large quantity of simply elementary incompetence. When I have started to get used to cathedral life, I was amazed with one detail. There there was no special course on библеистике, on Church stories, even on religion stories; there there was no person who could conduct these special courses. There were many special courses on "modernism", but any acquaintance to tradition. Formation turned out strange mosaic. Besides, those years anybody from teachers of chair did not know neither Jewish, nor Greek languages. And thus they declared that are engaged in scientific criticism of the Bible. It has strongly disappointed me.

And how you in general have appeared on so original chair?

No, not because I was we will gain an itch of atheistic work. Generally I was going to specialise on chair of history of foreign philosophy. The Marxism was to me, to put it mildly, is uninteresting. And here something to-markistskoe, foreign … But at examination in this subject the episode which has turned all my life has happened. In the ticket which has got to me, the first question was on the Chinese philosophy, the second — on Aristotle. China to me was besides uninteresting, and lectures on this theme at us were the extremely boring. More shortly, I on this question of the ticket did not know anything. And on Aristotle has answered well. Experience of passing examinations at me was by then already considerable, therefore I understood: two on the first question and five on the second on the average give a three. What my surprise when professor Bogomolov has stretched to me зачетку with record "perfectly" was! But thus he has told: “Give best regards to your father!”. The Father at me too the philosopher, also worked it then in Presidium of Academy of Sciences …

And then I have understood: or I all life will be only the carrier of the patronymic and all life I will drag home “greetings to the father”. Or I should search for the life. Complexity of a choice consisted that already during that time the official ideology did not cause in me sympathies. Therefore I just on the eve of examination have put in the statement for specialisation in chair of history of foreign philosophy: thought забуриться somewhere in former centuries and cultures, in problems on which, fortunately, there are no "adjusting" definitions of plenums of the Central Committee … But, it has appeared that on this chair too well know my father. Where at philosophical faculty it is possible to hide from ideology? — Certainly, on logic chair. Logically I loved employment … But, alas, my father on the scientific specialisation just the logician and consequently on this chair more than is known. So, and time my father the logician, and I want to get out the track that is far from logic? — Certainly, religion. And as a result I have put in the statement on atheism chair: as a matter of fact, studying of the same "foreign" or not Soviet philosophy, only with that narrower choice.

So in a choice of this chair "is guilty" my teenage “протестантизм”. Anything ideological.

And on the chair of atheism to belief you too went "by contradiction"?

In many respects yes. Atmosphere of a society which has developed in the early eighties, helped to turn to Church. Atheistic attacks looked very dishonestly, and I have told to myself: “If you see that the native party says lies to you in each occasion, both in large, and on trifles, maybe, it is not right and in a question which itself named the basic question of philosophy: whether“ There is God? That initially: a matter or reason? ””.

I have approached to the world of religious thought, have tried to understand Russian philosophers — naturally, at once it has not turned out. It was absolutely other Universe, absolutely another's for me, for my education, my environment.

I did not have believing acquaintances: neither relatives, nor friends, classmates. That is it was necessary to go under books. And soon enough I have understood that it is the world which can be understood only from within. To the person to the non-believer to argue on religion is all the same that blind to argue on Rembrandt's features. And I have understood that I do not want to make an ass of myself; time I am professional it has appeared is connected with this speciality, all the same should try to enter inside. I have understood that is dishonest to be engaged in religion studying if you any have no belief. Beliefs in Marxism at me it was not exact. But also any another — too.

Besides, me have touched and even have offended words of father Sergija Bulgakov that the faithless person who is engaged in studying of another's religion, is similar to the eunuch who guards a harem. It is insulting, but it is true. And I have decided to try to enter into this world. Reading books of Russian religious philosophers, I have noticed that they constantly say that the religion is the world of experience. And if at you this experience is not present, at least in the slightest degree, you, studying religion history, put itself in awkward position. Really, we not begin to trust opinion of the deaf person if he takes in head to write the dissertation about music. In the same position and the person who is not hearing music of heavenly spheres. What can he tell about religion?

I have understood that if I want to respect myself should take the plunge.

When you have realised for the first time, what trust in the Christ not simply as in the teacher of morals living 2000 years ago, and how in God on Whom all your life depends?

For me it there were two different moments: the belief in the Christ as God (the Creator, the Savior approaching Sudiju), and already then — belief in the Christ as Almighty on Whom my life here and now depends at first has come.

As to the first it has occurred when I was 18 years old. At that time I "was ill" “Brothers of Karamazovymi”: more all me was amazed with a legend about the Great inquisitor. In this legend for me all those philosophical problems of which I then thought have converged. Everything that then me the scarecrow in life, has concentrated in words of the Great inquisitor. I have suddenly understood that those temptations in desert which have been offered by a Satan to the Christ, is a limiting, exact and capacious choice. And consequently has agreed with that characteristic which Dostoevsky has given to this evangelical character: “spirit сверхчеловечески clever and spiteful”.

So at first I recognised existence of a Satan, well and then the logic conclusion has followed: if the Christ could reject these temptations, means, It too сверхчеловечески is clever, but is kind. Comprehension of the Christ as Savior has come. The sensation of internal emptiness has passed, light in a window began to dawn.

But while it was only philosophical acceptance of the Christ. Was much more difficult to start to pray, and it has occurred a bit later, and I was christened almost in a year after these events. And even being крещенным, I with great difficulty forced myself publicly to cross in a temple or to bow together with grandmothers who there stood. Moreover, after even year after the Christening at any Marxist lecture when the lecturer smashed idealists, I with horror have understood that he speaks, actually, about me. To realise that I became an idealist, it was very difficult, so deep roots were started up by Marxist ferment in my subconsciousness.

And the relation to It as to the Almighty has come already later. An originality of youthful belief that it about what does not ask, she simply rejoices to that God is. Still there are no sores, there are no desperate reality situations and, hence, it is possible to come to God without bargaining, not выклянчивая “the humanitarian help”. Therefore for the first time I have started to concern the Christ not simply as to the Creator and the future Judge and as to the Almighty on Whom my life here and now, only depends when has started to pray for that the Lord has helped me to arrive in seminary.


And why you have chosen Orthodoxy from all religions?

In due time I have solved for myself: if once I nevertheless come to a conclusion that God is I will not invent any religion. To me already обрыдли all this infinite night sit-round gathering on kitchens and hostels when in the smoked room with a cognac glass (vodka, port, beer) in a hand discussions about the Absolute are conducted.“ So, Andrjusha, give we will agree. If you come to a conclusion once that God is, I very much ask you: do not invent anything the. You understand, if God is, it means that you not the first clear head who has guessed before. The history has begun not with you. You not the first person going on this way. Look narrowly at experience of people which went on it earlier and further you have promoted ”. Any attempts to invent something the, the religion, me seemed platitude top. Therefore I have from the very beginning imposed on myself such restriction that I have no right, should not пошлить, should not invent something the, and should enter into tradition. If Christianity — that traditional.

And why Christianity? — So after all by then I already had representations about other religions and I already understood that higher way of religious life and thought anywhere is not present. Any other religion of the world does not put in the basis the formula God there is a love and does not speak in the creed: “us for the sake of the person and ours for the sake of rescue”.

As to the first it has occurred when I was 18 years old. At that time I "was ill" “Brothers of Karamazovymi”: more all me was amazed with a legend about the Great inquisitor. In this legend for me all those philosophical problems of which I then thought have converged. Everything that then me the scarecrow in life, has concentrated in words of the Great inquisitor. I have suddenly understood that those temptations in desert which have been offered by a Satan to the Christ, is a limiting, exact and capacious choice. And consequently has agreed with that characteristic which Dostoevsky has given to this evangelical character: “spirit сверхчеловечески clever and spiteful”.

So at first I recognised existence of a Satan, well and then the logic conclusion has followed: if the Christ could reject these temptations, means, It too сверхчеловечески is clever, but is kind. Comprehension of the Christ as Savior has come. The sensation of internal emptiness has passed, light in a window began to dawn.

But while it was only philosophical acceptance of the Christ. Was much more difficult to start to pray, and it has occurred a bit later, and I was christened almost in a year after these events. And even being крещенным, I with great difficulty forced myself publicly to cross in a temple or to bow together with grandmothers who there stood. Moreover, after even year after the Christening at any Marxist lecture when the lecturer smashed idealists, I with horror have understood that he speaks, actually, about me. To realise that I became an idealist, it was very difficult, so deep roots were started up by Marxist ferment in my subconsciousness.

And the relation to It as to the Almighty has come already later. An originality of youthful belief that it about what does not ask, she simply rejoices to that God is. Still there are no sores, there are no desperate reality situations and, hence, it is possible to come to God without bargaining, not выклянчивая “the humanitarian help”. Therefore for the first time I have started to concern the Christ not simply as to the Creator and the future Judge and as to the Almighty on Whom my life here and now, only depends when has started to pray for that the Lord has helped me to arrive in seminary.


And how this decision has outgrown in action?

I remember, I have accepted this decision under the influence of feeling … envy. My closest friend — the student истфака — nevertheless was christened (at conservatives). It was so happy that I have solved: “Will suffice to play about philosophy, to juggle with clever terms and citations, it is necessary to dare”. It was May, and I have solved: “And I or by the autumn am christened, or never”. At what here there was an autumn, to me and most till now is not clear. But those days for me Vladimir Vysotsky's song became significant: “My friend has left to Magadan … take off a hat”.

Certainly, usual student's vanity has brought the dust that clear determination. And only in penultimate day of autumn — on November, 29th — I have been woken by thought: “You promised to make something!”. Also has run to search for a temple more not to postpone. In any sense I was frightened of myself, the indecision and have decided to finish it.

Then in a head at me lines of Pasternak span: “Life ль would like me is more sweet? — Is not present, a lie: I wanted to escape only from a thicket of half-words and semiaffairs!” …

After years I have heard the exact formula of this motivation from outside. I already was in postgraduate study. And here our sector of modern foreign philosophy celebrates a pancake week of the house at Tamara Kuzminoj's my scientific curator. We sit on kitchen and we conduct eternal Russian-intellectual discussion on a theme “That such narrow-mindedness”. And on a visit Tamara Andreevny that day had its old friend, the former classmate. Here only he upon termination of university has decided not to have in general anything the general with the Soviet ideology and all life and has worked to Kaluga the stoker. But it has not lost interest to the world of books. And that evening — while all have crowded on kitchen and argued, it went on apartment, trying to discover on novelty book shelves. And here, having selected something interesting to itself, with a pile of books it comes on kitchen. And the mistress straight off includes it in conversation: “Well, tell, what such the petty bourgeois?!”. The answer has been given without a second of meditations, to a meeting:“ How that? The petty bourgeois is a person at whom life defines consciousness! ”.

I would like, that my consciousness has given me new experience of life …

With this thirst I also have come by the Christening. Day of my Christening was unusual enough. I cannot tell that have believed and consequently have gone to be christened. Exactly on the contrary: I have gone to be christened to believe, that is I felt requirement to take a step which would pull out me from a habitual track of life; it was necessary to go to look, rush there, to Church. Perhaps, then I will understand something. To some extent it was the philosophical experiment put on, — but it has crowned absolutely improbable success.

At God The plans about us: in day of the Christening the good fortune Christ's has concerned hearts — and from this day it became clear, about what of the Gospel word: the Kingdom of Bozhie in you. After that it became valid me from within clearly many from this that is told in the Scriptus, at sacred fathers. I have felt as all being that the miracle has occurred. This Sacrament, instead of is simple ablution in a font.

When you were christened?

It has occurred in 1982. I was the student of the fourth year.

And where you were christened?

In Moscow, in John Predtechi's temple. And searched for a temple which would be as much as possible far from my house and university, — so that no casual acquaintances existing, that nobody “настучал”. If learn at university — will expel, parents will have troubles because of me... And I сейчac very much reproach myself with it: in that temple where it was christened, now I and serve. An hour and a half in one party, ones and a half — in another … So I am frequent on road I speak to myself: “That you, the bastard, such coward were?!”. The first half a year I stood on service, looking back at each knock of an entrance door: suddenly who the acquaintance has entered … And shivered, while once not ears, and heart not yслышал on водосвятном молебне прокимен in which the line from a psalm was proclaimed: the Lord my education and спacитель mine of whom I will be frightened? And I have thought: “My God, of whom I am afraid?”. And after that fear it vanished as if by magic.


And how occurred or what has occurred at the Christening?

Far from the house I knew only one operating temple — on the Vagankovsky cemetery (was there on Vysotsky's funeral). Has gone there — but the temple has been closed. I have been simply deafened, the earth has left from under feet. In such lost condition I have simply gone aimlessly to wander on a city. And suddenly in the end of the Bolshevist lane has seen a temple. Has started wandering to it without any hope (for it was difficult to present that in one area of Moscow was two operating temples). To my joyful amazement, the temple has appeared operating and even has not been closed yet upon termination of morning service.

I have had time to slip at a door. I address for a candle box: I want to be christened supposedly. The grandmother standing there, starts me to dissuade: “You is better tomorrow come, tomorrow the good father will serve!”. In own way this grandmother was right. The priest who should serve tomorrow, and really then became my spiritual instructor. But then I was indignant: “What difference, what priest! I not to the priest have come, and to God! And I need to be christened today!”. In general, money from me for christening did not take, this grandmother even has presented a dagger.

There was an altar father Alexander Meshcherjakov and has led me in крестилку. It christened cheerfully, without edifications and explanatories, with humourous catchphrases. Accordingly, and I did not have any "meditative" spirit.

And then it has entered me into an altar (it is called “a rank воцерковления”). The first my impression of an altar — a teapot. Even the thought has flashed: “Now I know, what for in church an iconostasis: that behind it to hide during service and teas to drive” (as our laboratorians on chair).

In an altar, far from extraneous eyes, the priest has started me to ask — who, whence … Having learnt, where I study, and many having laughed, have told: “do not dare to throw study. You should graduate from the university”.

So, at least, this, священнический council in my church life I have precisely executed the very first. And, by the way, it has much helped me, because then I repeatedly had a desire to throw university and “to escape in woods”.

And as a whole all was quite usually and is ordinary. And only when I left a temple and have entered into the underground — there and there was that shift in a shower for the sake of which I and searched for Christenings … Then I has learnt that such happens quite often: to the person it is allowed to endure благодатность Sacraments not a minute of its fulfilment, and then. In my case wisdom of the Craft was that if this experience has come in a temple — it would be then easier for stealing. Then crazy мыслишка would prompt to an atheistic part me: “Well, same was in a temple — unusual conditions, your own spirit, as a result and this auto-suggestion” was born. But what for the Muscovite can be more habitual and it is ordinary, than the underground? And a spirit already searching was not. I simply came back in university … And “have been overtaken pleasure”.

And what at university?

At university I have got straight on the third pair — a special course “Incompatibility of modern natural sciences and religion”. The professor will boringly read to the lecture for small group — us the person seven was on this special course. And me holds apart with happiness — I should smile. It is mown on me and eventually asks: “Kuraev, what All of you time laugh?”. And I as will present that with it will be, if I to it tell, paternal I laugh today, — so I in general would like to laugh loudly …

And the next months it even has entered into a saying on our course — “happy, as Kuraev”.

Usually people come to belief, by the Christening after any vital revolution, tragedy, a grief or surprising event. At you, as far as I understand, was in another way?

The matter is that I can describe the way to Church doubly. I can some hours is detailed tell that occurred, — and as a result the impression will turn out that it was the logical way which differently and could not come to the end. But heart I remember and I know that it not so. Because each new impulse: the opening, any meeting, a word — it was there and then muffled. And then again there were weeks and months of emptiness, usual student's parties after which again there was something. Will tell more truthfully so: the Lord took and has resulted.

Well, and then there were uneasy years when it was necessary to drag by force itself in Church, to force themselves, to force to understanding of the Writing, to the consent with all doctrine church.

And how parents — they unless to such were ready?

Anybody was not ready. I was christened also half a year from native it hid. Said that I go on a disco, and itself went to a temple. I understood that truth for them will be too painful, because they had representations about what I should do career.


When parents have learnt about your christening, impartial conversation has taken place, likely?

Parents about all have learnt casually. Have returned from a summer residence home ahead of time. I was just on service, and have left not hidden молитвослов and icons at home.

Tears were. The explanation has followed. But besides not world outlook: “We now will prove to you that God is not present”. And more likely to explain attempts to me that it is bad for my destiny, career. With what I in general agreed, but did not see in it an occasion to renunciation of the found belief.

But I managed to convince parents that I am not going to escape “in woods” and to throw university. Already in couple of days the father has told to me: “you Know, and I nevertheless am glad that you were christened … now in your hands a key from all European culture …”.

After a while the father even has told to me: “Time so, maybe, to you will be easier, if you arrive in postgraduate study and after university will not fulfil as the teacher of atheism”.

The father has advised to me to enter in postgraduate study the institute philosophies and to change specialisation – for philosophy history. He has told: “you still will have some time – a reserve for reflexions, a choice”.

It was really correct council. And so we together any time built my destiny.

Well and still during this period I used such reception: tried to invite home as much as possible orthodox people. But thus did not advertise them православность.

Any girl, say, the student or the post-graduate student the acquaintance comes to us. Parents are, of course, very glad that at last Andrjusha undertook mind, on girls has started to go. Mother, clearly, here both coffee will pour, and a cake will cut. We sit, we conduct secular conversation. And suddenly this, let us assume, Lenochka rises and speaks: “Oh, Andrjush, is time! And that we will be late for nightlong vigil”.

Or the guy, the clever four-eyes comes on a visit. I explain: “Here my friend on university, the post-graduate student”. All is normal. And here he starts something such to say on a religious-philosophical theme that becomes clear: it orthodox.

Some cases were even more remarkable when people who were respected by my parents, people of their generation, were suddenly deciphered at my presence. It appears, they too have a belief.

It is important to show to adult people expensive to us that the Church world is not the world of fanatics, and it is not limited to us. Because to us they can have a relation, the allergy. There is no prophet in the fatherland. And let they will look at those whom consider quite worthy respect, imitation. Also will see: there are people who seriously concern Orthodoxy. Not those who before icons puts easier candles or so, by the way, remembers God. And those who seriously allows to influence to the belief the destiny. Here with such people acquaint more parents – at least through their interview and books.

The most interesting was, when I after couple of years declared to parents that I leave in seminary. Tears and explanations have again begun. And here parents have thought: “It is necessary to find the person who for Andrjushi would be authoritative, time it us does not listen”. Also have remembered: when I was still the schoolboy, I had a good tutor under the literature – the senior lecturer of the Moscow State University Vyacheslav Andrianovich Grihin.

Parents speak: “Give to it we will go, you appreciate it, love. Let it will set you”.

Have arrived. Behind tea drinking we discuss home life news. And suddenly my mother passes to the main thing: “Vyacheslav Andrianovich, you know, at us a trouble. Андрюша here that has decided – in seminary to arrive!”

Vyacheslav Andrianovich has kept silent minute, then has heavy sighed and speaks: “Well I can tell, Andrey? God grant, that at you of what I dreamt all life has turned out, but and has not dared to make!”

Further – a mute scene in style of Gogol "Auditor".

Such opening, it is necessary to tell, then it was necessary to me much. People about which belief and it was impossible to suspect, appeared believers. Somehow, already being the post-graduate student, I have got on congress of young scientists. Henry Batishchev — the known Soviet philosopher there shone in those days, it is a little диссидентствующий and consequently, in particular, honoured enough by youth. He well spoke, but one strangeness scratched hearing. I was not kept — and after lecture have approached to Batishchevu: “Know, Henry Stepanovich, I cannot simply understand your logic: why in each phrase at you space sounds“ waits "," space заповедует ”. It is impossible about space so to speak. If space to replace a word with a word God then it becomes clear... And simply from space there is nothing to wait — same any безличностное life”. Батищев suddenly began to look around, has then taken me aside: “Andrey, All of you have correctly understood. Only know, this blessing of my confessor that I in the speeches did not use a word“ God ””.

Your parents have not suffered for the son?

While I доучивался at university and in postgraduate study — was not present. But as soon as I have passed to work in seminary — my turns have concerned also destinies of the father. It just then had a prospect to go for work to Paris, in UNESCO. It was the reviewer of academician Fedoseyev — the leading ideologist of Soviet period; the fatherly post was called “the scientific secretary of section of social studies of Presidium of Academy of Sciences of the USSR”. But as soon as I have submitted documents to the seminary, at once the corresponding information has appeared in the Central Committee, therefrom — to Fedoseyev. And to the father have suggested “to leave in an amicable way” — most to write a resignation. And Paris was, of course, cancelled. And Fedoseyev still called in the Minister of Defence, demanding, that me have urgently called up for military service. Fortunately, there there were sane people. I after all upon termination of the Moscow State University was already the lieutenant, on a military speciality was registered замполитом … the Soviet army such замполиты were completely not necessary.


The father strongly worried? Your relations because of it have not deteriorated?

At me the good father who was детдомовец. In our family of careerists was not.

And how – already through you – relations of parents with your God were under construction?

I houses almost миссионерствовал. Certainly, conducted “corrupting ideological work” with the younger brother. The blessing, it was at teenage age when the person starts to search for the way, itself. And here our union (the union with the big brother) was psychologically more interesting to it, than with parents. It was our secret. In 4 years and too secretly from parents and it was christened.

On how many years the brother is younger than you?

On seven. It had quite church family, the girl it has found the orthodox. And already its small daughters миссионерствуют among my parents.

And as to parents at them militant atheism and богоборчества never was. I think, the normal parental feeling has worked: time our son identifies itself with Church, and we identify ourselves with it it is our Church. To tell that business has reached the Participle, I cannot yet. But, at least, the apartment has been consecrated – and parents thus prayed. In their temple sometimes it is possible to drive, or mother herself goes.

At me a problem that the father has gone blind for a long time. And, on the one hand, it cannot independently move. With another, at it access to the new information that for the humanitarian scientist, the philosopher very hard is limited. It has gone blind just when changes, streams of the new information have begun. And it turns out that they go by it.

And at university did not guess at all change in your life?

Fortunately, those years the technics of passing examinations in ideological subjects has been well fulfilled. The position could be masked type phrases: “Marx spoke about it so” or: “From the point of view диамата, business is so”. And that I think personally, teachers did not ask.

I can not tell that change in me remained not noticed on chair, but teachers have shown sufficient tactfulness and did not bring up this question.

Treated me kindly. On the fourth year I have not had time to write course — so to me have given the an excellent without looking at all in it — simply taking from me the promise that till the end of session I will bring it. It me растормозило (or расхолодило). And I wrote the thesis too more likely for myself, than counting on someone's extraneous sight. Also was mistaken — because diplomas just read.

As a result every other day after I have handed over the thesis, I am called by my supervisor of studies and speaks: “That you have written? It is the charismatic treatise or the diploma in chair of scientific atheism?!”.

It was necessary to alter urgently. And just comes Passionate седмица — it is necessary to be daily in a temple, and here this not darling to heart … the Head hurries the diploma, and I in a fit of temper speak to it: “Well, I am not in time! What processing if now Passionate goes!”. Брякнул — and gauging … the Answer has sounded more than easy: “And I at your age was in time all: and work to make, and in a temple to descend!”.

It was unique only at protection of the diploma to me it is told by the chairman of the cathedral commission: “We make to you the recommendation in postgraduate study, but consider, Andrey Vjacheslavovich: at philosophy Institute too there are cleanings!”.

And in one and a half month, for an hour before delivery of the diploma the supervisor of studies has taken away me away and has told: “we have an information that you happen in the Trinity-sergievoj to Laurels, communicate with teachers and seminarists and you there have a confessor. It, of course, your business, but at chair is the request to you: do not arrive in seminary!”.

Visiting of Monastery and dialogue with teachers I recognised, having explained it is necessity of "field sociological researches”. About the confessor has fairly told: “No confessor there at me is present” (it was fair because the confessor at me was in Moscow). Also promised that I will not arrive now in seminary (in my plans it was to make only in a year).

And on what theme there was your thesis in the Moscow State University?

The diploma at me was on Frank and Heidegger's philosophy, well, with appropriate gadgets and "conclusions" that their constructions considerably Antimarxist and absolutely not materialistic.


And how there was your further life?

Clear business what remains the teacher at university I could not (though there was an offer — not from my chair, and from aesthetics chair) because it would mean to say lies: to say lies to students, to say lies on chair... It was necessary to leave university and to seek postgraduate study elsewhere.

Contrary to hearings that dismiss about me рериховцы, I never taught “scientific atheism”, in general Marxism-Leninism. To eliminate from itself such necessity, I have refused teaching and from the introduction into the CPSU.

On chair of atheism I learnt not to criticise religion, and to protect it from an atheistic pressure — for already at the very beginning of study for this chair have started to identify myself with that party which atheists attacked.

Рериховцы in everyone the антикураевской publications repeat that Kuraev — the burnt careerist. He ostensibly has understood in time that the atheistic system falls, and consequently has fast started to do to itself career in Orthodoxy.

But I in life did not read any atheistic lecture (witnesses of the opposite I ask to respond). Yes, in committee of Komsomol I was responsible for atheistic work. But fairly I admit that I have filled up this direction. The only thing “Komsomol business” which I have made is has organised for one TECHNICAL TRAINING COLLEGE of which the university was a patron, a concert of a rock group "Sunday" (today it seems to me already symbolical).

Yes, and already for students of chair of atheism I have organised visitings of the Museum of Old Russian art (father Alexander Saltykov can tell about it) and иконописного a Tretyakov gallery hall. There the guide has frightened me, and my colleagues has made laugh with that, showing on an icon of prelate Nikolay Chudotvortsa, has told: “Look at this face. This icon is remarkable that in it we see for the first time the person of a typical hare, instead of the Greek. Here at this young man (it has shown on me) in an old age precisely such person will be!”. Stierlitz was on the verge of a failure …

Again I will remind: I have come to Church in 1982. As "reorganisation" then did not smell. Today it from outside seems “an overflowing from one ideology in another where for it career prospects” have opened.

However, рериховцы are brought up in such contempt for people that it to a head does not come that someone can be not agree with them from world outlook, moral, scientific, instead of from "korystno-career" promptings. This фантазма tells them about my careerism about рериховцах much. One of signs of totalitarianism of consciousness is an inability to understand that the person can sincerely change. No less than inability to understand that your opponent can be not agree with you on command of the reason and conscience. Рериховцы all time consider that their enemies either are bribed by someone, or are afflicted with dark spirits. And it is already dangerous. It is a sign of totalitarian thinking — when your position seems to you is unique the normal. If such people seize upon the serious power, a little will seem to nobody.


And where there was your way after university?

In Institute of philosophy of Academy of Sciences. In those days it was necessary to found a job somewhere necessarily after university, to work on a speciality — “diploma working off”. And to avoid teaching of "Marxist-Leninist philosophy”, I have arrived in postgraduate study of Institute of philosophy. In postgraduate study I have appeared according to the advice of the father. After all there ideological requirements, by and large, already any. Easy you study, look round, and then …

The matter is that on the Moscow State University fourth year, in half a year after the Christening I very firmly felt that my way is a way to seminary.

And in general about seminary I have heard for the first time at lectures on scientific atheism. In it there was something mystical. On chair (on a third year) there was a closed special course “Russian Orthodox Church today”. Varichev — the employee of Council about affairs of religions read. And it in more details, than it usually becomes, told about Patriarchy structure: what departments, how many all seminaries there exist. And simply gave statistics: how many students, how many teachers, how many from them in a rank of the senior lecturer, how many professors and so on. It gave dry figures but when he them named, I was suddenly pierced with the deepest sensation that I should be there. Strange: to me name number of professors in Academy, and I am a student-atheist from atheism chair! — suddenly I feel that should be among them. I was then absolutely faithless person. And at level rational (already on переменке) it отрефлексировалось so:“ Happy people! They can speak about that, in what they really trust, and they are not obliged to quote Lenin at each lecture ”. I such white envy then have envied them.

It was such "deja vu" on the contrary: I see the present picture and accurately I understand that it will be in my future. At other lecture the teacher will read someone's мемуар about visiting of seminary and says: “On a ladder the flock of seminarists has run”. And I suddenly too distinctly feel: it from my life, it about me …

Then this "deja vu" has started to clothe a flesh. I remember the first input in seminary. I have arrived with the letter of recommendation from калязинского fathers (nowadays father Leonid Chernjak, the confessor of the Minsk theological seminary) at which fasted before this Lent. The letter has been addressed the senior lecturer of Academy Vitaly Kirillovichu Antoniku (nowadays to the professor of the Minsk Spiritual Academy).

We get acquainted. Asks on me. Having learnt, where I study, Vitaly Kirillovich suddenly speaks: “Here and well. Means, graduate from the university, come to us, instead of me“ the Basic divinity ”you will conduct. I on secular education the biologist, this philosophy not that that am very interesting to me!”.

I was stupefied. Somehow it was difficult to present to itself that in secular high school the teacher has told to the student: “Study, and as soon as you will study up, I to you will leave the place” …

It can seem today strange, but I went to seminary without dream of priesthood (it was represented too impudent for me — as it is possible to dare to such dream!). I did not have absolutely any plan that will be with me on that party of seminary as I will live further in Church. The mood was one: “Though хворостиной — yes in a church fencing to stick out!”. The seminary to me was expensive not as a way to priesthood, and as possibility to live in Monastery as possibility to pray, without hiding from anybody. The seminary and Church for me were then same: receipt in it meant simply hit under a fertile cover of Church. And all. More I should — be nothing only there …

In the years previous receipt in seminary, each time the application from ектении “And all our stomach to the Christ to God we will betray” I so translated with Church Slavonic on the Russian: “My God, help me to arrive in seminary!”.

It would be simply dishonest to stop midway. If I have come to belief and I can not be silent about it (and really was not silent: to the friends at university I am opened about it spoke) — that it is necessary to find the right to this conversation. As Alesha Karamazov has solved in due time: “It is told: distribute all and follow Me. And Alesha has thought: I instead of all cannot give five copecks, and instead of follow Me to go only to a mass”.

Very much резанула me then Arseny Tarkovsky's line: “Perhaps, idiocy — wholly to pay in destiny for passport similarity of a line with itself”. But I sharply felt: to speak about the Gospel it is necessary “to pay for the right in destiny”, and it is not less.

The payment for theological formation in Soviet period was that. In “house conditions” it was impossible to receive theological formation in the absence of books. Means, the young man came to seminary, yet without knowing quite belief of Church. But still unknown to it belief it was already ready to pay off for this with destiny. If such determination in it was not — the theological world remained for it closed. On a seminary threshold the determination, the consent with belief of Church, instead of its deep understanding was required. As a matter of fact any neophyte should answer one question: whether “you Believe, what глокие куздры штеко курдячат бокрят? — To It, fair отче, I believe and I profess, and анафематствую three times all those who believes differently!”.

Now I can tell, paternal I do not like to tell about the arrival to belief journalists, in audiences. I speak about the most expensive to myself and as shows experiment, it, alas, is muddled and профанируется somehow. For example, the correspondent of "the Moscow truth” T.Suvorov has published on June, 16th, 1989 interview to me (likely, it was my first interview). In its transfer the motive of my transition in seminary looks so: “... There was then a desire to esteem the theological literature. After the termination of the Moscow State University I have submitted documents to a theological seminary”. Yes упаси the Lord our seminaries from the students going there from desire “to esteem the theological literature”! — instead of from desire as all life to serve God and Church.

But right after university to leave in seminary to me it was not possible: in all questionnaires “the atheism chair” as last place of work, moreover “the red diploma” the Moscow State University flaunted. If I went to seminary directly from atheism chair a way to me would block at once. The seminary would be frightened of scandal. Another matter if me have expelled from postgraduate study … would turn out that I the loser, двоечник. Here the Soviet power already could reconcile to it. Therefore I have arrived in postgraduate study — with intention to study there only year, without dissertation protection. It was impossible to be protected. By then I already enough well knew the scheme of the tserkovno-state relations and perfectly understood what arrive in seminary I can only by miracle. Because people with higher education there not very much started up, Muscovites especially, and from atheism chair, and there is nothing to speak. And if I still manage to be protected... Nobody will start up the Candidate of ideological sciences.

And in postgraduate study of Institute of philosophy I have not been connected any more with atheism, the name of my sector was: “sector of modern foreign philosophy”. And the authorities have already got used that who is engaged in modern foreign philosophy, that марксистом ceases to be.

When has passed year and it was possible to write in questionnaires that I not from university, and from this postgraduate study then has gone to seminary.


Already without problems?

How to tell. The rector of Academy and seminary could not employ as the power the teacher, could not accept the power the student for study — all needed to be co-ordinated with Council about affairs of religions. However there was "nomenclature" of the rector of the Moscow Spiritual Academy, that is those posts to which it could appoint the power. It was a unique free niche in Church. It was possible to take watchmen, yard keepers, firemen of a temple — and it did not need to be co-ordinated with the authorities. That is why church watchmen those years were the most formed layer of Moscow. And the lord the rector — archbishop Alexander, present Saratov, — took me the watchman.

It has However, planted me not on a checkpoint, and in the reception. As a matter of fact I for some months became its secretary. It was clear gesture: “Get used, this person already here, in seminary, we do not hide it, and I trust it!”. It was in November, 1985.

Well, and in the summer 86th it was already possible to arrive for study.

Different jokes about your receipt, about mysterious letters МДА go...

It is truth, was such.

And what exactly?

At receipt in seminary the next slingshot consisted here in what. Naturally, I was a member of Komsomol because Komsomol enter fourteen years, and I was christened only in nineteen. And so, when the young man arrived in seminary in Soviet period, it turned out such апория. The matter is that the authorities played with Church cat and mouse. They did not say directly that “we want you to suppurate”, — in 70-80th years so any more did not speak. They pretended that all of them do in interests of Church. You smother, but for the sake of your health.

And when, for example, the representative of Council about affairs of religions explains to the rector why he does not allow to accept this young man, it finds any plausible, almost pious pretext. He speaks: “See, this young man — the member of the Komsomol. You understand that Komsomol — the atheistic organisation. After all it is bad, if among seminarists there will be a person with double morals, the dishonest person?”. And if this young man leaves Komsomol before receipt in seminary the representative will tell: “the Komsomol is Soviet structure. It turns out, what it the antiadviser, yes? Antiadvisers are necessary to you? Troubles are necessary to you? It is not enough you one Yakunin?”.

Therefore to write the application: “I Ask not to consider me as the member of the Komsomol because I have believed” — meant to leave dream of seminary. And I have decided to leave simply silently: to take away the registration form in a district committee, solemnly it to burn and thus to drop out of sight of Komsomol. Here, I come to a district committee, I speak:

— You know, I leave postgraduate study of Institute of philosophy, it is necessary to be translated, therefore give me the registration form.

To me speak:

— And where you pass?

I speak:

— I in other city leave, — that was the cleanest truth, after all I to Zagorsk left Moscow.

— But if in other city we cannot give to you because we have special couriers who special mail transport registration forms and other documents.

I have asked something else, and регистраторша speaks:

— Here if you passed in Moscow, from one district committee in another — then we would give documents to you on hands.

Having learnt about it, I have decided to come next day when under the schedule other girl there should sit. I come and speak:

— You know, I pass to other place of work. The registration form is necessary to me.

She speaks:

— Where?

I say the first that has come to mind:

— In the Tagansky district committee.

She speaks:

— Well, here to you your card, but me it is necessary to write down, where you go, on the account of what Komsomol organisation.

I at all did not expect it, but have remembered that on Taganke there is a Central house of atheism. I think: “Time is Central, probably, there is also a Moscow house of atheism”. Also I speak:

— The Moscow house of atheism.

She under documents sees that I by a trade the ideologist-philosopher so all leaves logically. Also starts to write... In the questionnaire all is necessary shortly. And I speak:

— Write in abbreviated form: МДА.

And she writes: “МДА” …

I think, the subsequent historians will be much surprised by that, agree райкомовским to documents, in the early eighties in МДА (the Moscow Spiritual Academy) there was a Komsomol organisation...


And KGB disturbed you?

Once (certainly, itself without knowing about it) even has helped. More precisely, not he, and a myth about its absolute power. I only have graduated from the university. Summer. Of Monastery I do not get out almost. And here to Monastery there has arrived group of teachers and post-graduate students from my chair — accompanying any foreign “религиоведов”. That then has occurred, I have learnt only after years. They have quickly noticed me. I them in an emphasis did not see — in the most literal sense of a word. Those years, entering into a temple, I removed points. Also became almost blind — that nothing distracted from a prayer. Silhouettes of people at mine “the minus of five” saw, and persons — are not present. Here and in that morning. At first I stand in the Uspensky cathedral on a liturgy, then I go to hallows of Saint Sergija to the Troitsk cathedral, then in надкладезную a chapel behind holy water … And university group all time has become stupid passed after me — being surprised and to that I do all “as it is necessary”, and to that I do not react in any way to their presence. And eventually they have solved:“ Knowingly it does not react to us; likely, it here under the special task, and we should not decipher it ”. So, having considered me for засланца KGB, they have silently left, without lifting scandal.